comedy

The Workout

by admin on March 25, 2011

in Blog

Spotters! can you give me a location yet”?. …..Aye captain.. it looks like we have just pulled in to the parking lot of The Health Ridge Excorcise Center…… Oh no….OK people listen up this guy is gonna need all hands at full alert. Stop what ever your doing and report to your stations. Scotty… I need you to ell me as soon as he starts walking we will go on red alert at that time. …Aye Captain……Knee Cartilage how you feeling today can you take a little more grinding…. Cartilage here… so far so good but don’t let this guy go crazy and start joggin’ or we’ll be down to one leg…..OK just don’t have a blow out….Aye…….Spotters location!….He is taking his glasses and hat off and is in the mode of ready….. This guy ain’t ready for this….Scotty is the pump working at safe mode? Aye Captain, but the pipes are still not clean. Will I need to flutter so he knows to slow down . No! don’t do that he might panic. OK people get ready he’s on the track……( fifteen minutes later)…. Scotty how is the pump……. we’re working at near capacity Captain, I don’t know if we can hold up at this pace should I skip a beat?….No! hang in there he’s only got five more minutes. Cartilage report!…. Cartlege here……We’re heating up and the noise is deafening tell brain to go to reasoning mode maybe he’ll stop and get a cookie or something…That’s a negative on the cookie he swore off on them last week. ….. Brain! I need you to go to reasoning mode and get this guy to stop. Hold up a picture of an ambulance or something……..Scotty give me two more minutes; you can do it OK….Aye Captain but the pump can’t take anymore, we’re in danger mode down here……OK people settle down don’t panic… be cool I think he’s slowing down. He’ll probably lift a twenty pound dumbbell, check his arm size in the mirror and head home. Good job everybody…….Captain when will get the new model this one has seen better days….Sorry Scotty that data is not available, we don’t get the new model till this one wears out..

’bout a Quarter Mile From Here

by admin on March 16, 2011

in Blog

The Inman’s and the McConnell’s came into the Nixa Mo. area in 1853. The land at that time was something of a frontier with no towns or settlements and virtually no law. When the Civil War broke out my Great Granddad John Wesley Inman joined the Union forces on Aug. 20 1862.

Fast forward to about 1982 when my father and mother and my wife and I were in the area around the old homestead. We looked around the old farm that at that time belonged to my dad’s uncle and Dad told me about farming the ground around there and picking up at least two buckets of grape shot and Minnie balls from the fighting that took place in the fields around there during and after the war. He said he would like to see the new Civil War Museum at the Battle of Wilson Creek not far away. We drove the short distance to the sight and looked around and found a marker that said this is the place that General Lyons was killed with the date and a short description of the circumstances. A young man dressed in a smart looking Park Ranger outfit walked up and asked if he could answer any questions. Dad said to give us the two dollar tour; so he began,

“Well sir right here is where General Lyons was shot from his horse in”.

He hardly had a chance to finish when Dad said, “No he wasn’t”. The guy looked like someone took a shot at him. “I’m sorry sir but all the books say…”

“Well I don’t care what the books say my Grandad John Wesley Inman was a Teamster in this war and he told me many times that the night before the battle no one knew that the Confederates was close by, so the General let anyone living in the area that could be back by sunup take an over night leave, and when my Grandad topped the hill over looking the camp, with some other men in a wagon next morning, the fight started. General Lyons rode a white horse and everybody knew it, including the Rebels. When the battle turned against the Union Forces he rode around flashing his sword and trying to rally his men who had been caught with their pants down so to speak. Some Rebels took after him and he took off over that ridge with the Rebs in hot pursuit and they caught him about a Quarter mile from here and he was killed there, not here.”

The guy looked undecided about disputing my dad who had that look in his eye like “I know what I’m talking about and you don’t”.

“Well you folks have a nice day”, he said and was gone. I often wonder if they ever moved that marker. Probably not.